Have you ever wondered about that expression? “Good morning”? Does it mean, “I hope you have a good morning,” or does it mean, “This is a good morning?” What about when people just say “Morning”? I always want to respond with “Yes, it is. Thanks.”
It’s like how when someone asks us how we are, we say, “Fine/Good/Not bad, how are you?”, regardless of how we actually are. I could be on the verge of the nervous breakdown to end all nervous breakdowns, and I bet I’d still say I was fine. My high school Writer’s Craft teacher once challenged us to respond to “How are you” with an actual description of how we were. A hilarious idea, but not my thing, as I’m not keen on sharing.
Anyway, it’s 6:58 EST and I am awake. Have been since 6, I think. I have set up my alarms so that my ipod dock begins playing quiet-ish music at 6, and then my phone starts flipping out at me at 6:30 with the most annoying sound on the face of the planet. This morning I was ready for it, and shut it off as soon as it happened. I also woke up at 4:59 this morning, but it’s just a First-Day-Of-Work thing.
I am up tragically early because I like to take my mornings slow, so that I have time for this and whatever else I might do. Typically I read and “edit” my random writings (read – not edit so that my word documents don’t have fictitious ‘last updated’ dates, my own personal obsessive habit), or watch sitcoms I’ve already seen, while filling up on caffeine and alone time before the day begins. Of course, this is the Day to End All Days, the First-Day-Of-Work, so I need EXTRA caffeine and alone time, despite the fact that I banished everyone from my life all day yesterday. What can I say, I’m an introvert, and I’m about to be an introvert at a new job. It’s a rough life, let me tell you.
So, although I am not a sharing type, I do want to share this: My life is full of tragedies. For example, black coffee is too hot to drink right after you pour it. My new cup steams away beside me, still hot enough to scald the inside of my mouth, as I wait impatiently for my next caffeine fix. Another tragedy: I have to go to a new job today. UGH. Everything about this is against my nature. Now, I could take a moment to reflect on unselfish thoughts and remind myself that unemployment is still high and I am lucky to have a source of income on the horizon, but that will not help my social anxiety, so I will just carry on being selfish until someone beats me over the head with a reality check sometime in the near future and forces me to get over it. Finally, the Daily Prompt, which I prefer to do in the AM, will not be posted until I actually get to work. And as an intern, I do not have the luxury of doing anything other than my actual work at work without risking losing my job and education over it, so… I’ll have to do it when I get home. This is clearly the worst thing that could have happened, ever, but I suppose I will have to manage.
There is one upside to my situation today, and that is that I am not my fourteen-year-old cousin who is beginning high school today. I wouldn’t switch places with him if you paid me. Unless you paid me a LOT, but that should have been implied. He is going to the school I left 3 years ago, and that has triggered all these high school flashbacks in me that I’d rather not have to think about right now. Why do first days have to be an absolute nightmare?
I think that, if I ever move up in the workplace and become a manager or something, I will create employee handbooks that actually explain the important things rather than random rules and regs – like, what do most people do for lunch? What are the names of the people in your department? What am I going to be doing at every minute of every day? This is impractical and it probably wouldn’t even satisfy me, but I can dream.
Well, I should sign off and get this show on the road. Please excuse my whining and complaining – I am one of those unfortunate people who would rather meet a pissed off grizzly bear than a friendly and welcoming new person, especially after having a particularly unpleasant experience on my last work term (I finally understood the true meaning of “bureaucracy” and spent 42.5 hours a week contemplating jumping out a window).
It’s a season for new beginnings (here anyway), so to anyone who might be starting something new, best of luck, and may you be more positive about it than I am!