Although this would drastically change who I am and what I stand for, I wish I had willpower.
I have a feeling it would make things easier, like finishing my homework on time, staying on top of lectures, and reading Much Ado About Nothing instead of writing because I’ve been working on Shakespeare for a couple hours now and I need a break.
It seems like I always need a break. I always want to just put down the books and go back to reading or writing or re-watching Avatar: The Last Airbender again or listening to music and playing Solitaire. I never feel a drive to get anything done.
Again, this is who I am and what I stand for. I like slow days, restfulness, staying in bed because I can. I wear myself out at work and expecting to do schoolwork as well to actually get ahead for once is asking for far too much from my fragile state of mind. The fact that I have an essay due on Wednesday and need to watch a few hours’ worth of lectures before then means nothing to me: My mind can take no more labour. Talk to me later, Shakespeare, right now I am going to eat dinner slowly and listen to music and ruminate about my characters and stories to get back on track.
These Shakespeare plays are exhausting, by the way. It’s like reading something in French – I can make out a few familiar words and sentence structures, but basically I have no idea what’s going on. It sounds rhythmic and poetic in my head, but what it means is beyond me. And I can’t be bothered to find out.
I should either start my essay tonight or read the next play, but what I will actually do is find something of my own to read and edit while I eat cake and pretend I’m not taking a class right now.
And that’s okay, because I’m not Batman. My literary counterpart is most likely Garfield.